A Blessing And A Curse
by BakaOtaku47
Summary: We all have secrets. Some harmless, some betraying, but there are some that control you. They burn a fire inside of you, slowly growing and engulfing every inch of your body. When it takes over you, you lose yourself, no going back. I almost got devoured by the burning flames, but it'll never happen again. I'll control the flames- and use them to protect those I love. Minor Cade.
1. Chapter 1

A Blessing And A Curse- Prologue

**I, in no way whatsoever own Victorious. I'm too broke for that.**

Hi!

You probably know who I am. I'm known as that one ditz who loves red velvet cupcakes. The one kid who always brings a purple giraffe to school. And guess what- ding ding ding, you're right. Hey, I know I should grow up, but I love Mr. Purple and red velvet cupcakes too much for that.

My best friend- wait. My best **friends **are Victoria Vega and Jadelyn West, but they don't go by their full names, like me. Only my grandma calls me by my full name, but I don't like it when Nona calls me by it because you see, one time my bro- I'm getting off topic here. Anyways, Tori is an awesome singer, with amazing cheekbones. Sometimes she gets us into trouble, and sometimes makes the problem worse. No one hates her though, because Tori's always got our backs. She fixed Beck and Jade's relationship, helped Andre over his crush on Jade, but that's a secret I'm not supposed to tell Jade or Beck. Surprisingly, I've managed to keep it, and it'll stay that way forever.

Then, of course, there's Jade. As weird as it is to say, I love Jade. She loves me too, and I've been there for her ever since she broke up with Beck. You would probably never think we would be the perfect couple. Past me wouldn't have thought so either, but this feeling I have for her is like a burning fire in my heart. I don't know, but I see something in her. Something about her eyes, they're so alluring, and when she touches, kisses me, I feel sparks, and they never disappoint me. She says it felt like fireworks when we first kissed. To me, fireworks is just an understatement. I call her Jadey, and she doesn't mind as long as it's just us. I've known her since grade school, and while I love Tori as a best friend, there's always gonna be a special place for Jade. She's the only person I allow to call me Kitty Cat and Rina. Jade's basically my sister, but she's not. I don't think your girlfriend can be your sister, cause that's weird. Sure, she can be mean at times, but that's because she is. Then again, Jade can be soft as putty once you get to know her, and she rarely gets mad at me. When she does, I just blow it off, knowing she doesn't mean it. I love her with all my heart, yet, every time she says I love you, I can help but feel quaking in my legs and my insides turning into mush. I can't imagine my life without her.

Of course, how can I talk without mentioning the rest of the gang? They've always been there for me, like brothers. Just not like my brother, because he's a little cuckoo up in the ol' noggin. Andre and Beckett, but I always call him Beck, have always been the defensive ones, but I still don't know why they think I'll fall for some guys selling candy in a van. I only fell for it one- wait, one, two, three…six, six times only! Robert, a.k.a Robbie, is in between the area of a best friend and brother friend. I always knew he had a crush on me, but I was shocked when he supported my relationship with Jade. I thought he would be like those sadistic people who go crazy over love, but he's managed to be ok with it, and we've grown significantly closer. Rex insults me less, but that's probably because Jade tried to burn him to ashes with the Bunsen Burner after he called her a scissor-freak.

Trina…..she's nicer… but she's still Trina. Her voice hasn't changed, but not many people mess with her anymore after she beat up some jock who punched Tori in the face.

That's basically my life. I hang out with great friends, I get good grades, which oddly surprises my friends. I don't get it. Who says a person who acts like a child can't be smart? I'm childish, not dumb. Ok, maybe I'm lacking in the common sense area, but still. I'm a singer, actor, costume designer, makeup artist, who does a little bit of songwriting. To people, my life would be amazing. But it's not all that great.

I have a secret. Normally, secrets are surprises, or something you don't share with your friends unless they're really close. Of course, there are exceptions. I hate my secret. It eats me up from the inde, a burning flame growing bigger and bigger. You don't even focus on what it destroys, all you do is try to make it smaller, so it doesn't devour you alive. Either you make it smaller, and control it, or it devours you, controls you. There are two kinds of people when it comes to that stake. Those who control it, and those who get devoured. Once you're devoured, you'll be forever stuck in the belly of the beast. Gone. I foolishly almost allowed myself to be fully engulfed, and I only escaped because someone else helped put out my fire. I'll never let it happen again. I can't bear to lose myself— I'd much rather die, than forget yourself, lose yourself, becoming a hollow shell of a person before losing my life completely. I've tried to control it. I'm rusty, but I'll never allow myself to hurt anyone else.

Not with this curse.

At the crack of dusk, when everyone's inside, I tie my hair in a ponytail before putting on a hoodie, completely hiding my hair except for a few strands on my cheek. The makeup flows down my face as I wash it off, before placing my fingers on the tender skin. It still feels sensitive, tingling at the touch. No need to hide yourself when you're like this. It's not like people would notice me anyways. It's a life I enjoy, and hate. I put on some running shoes and headphones on, and I jog around the city. I've done it so much, it's a habit. I can't picture a day for the past 2 years where I haven't done this.

Nothing too bad, right?

I just wait around the city, unti-

"AHHHHH!"

That's my cue. I sprint around, before reaching an alleyway in a sharp turn. My body's used to this, so I easily jump up, firmly grabbing the ladder with my palms, climbing up faster, and faster. The sound came from… that way, I presume. I dash over there, jumping to a nearby building. I've done this so much, yet, the feel of the wind in my face, seconds stretching into moments, being airborne without any fear of what's below— it's absolutely amazing. I'm so used to it, but I can never get enough of this feeling. My feet hit the rooftop, making a firm smack, with a moment pause, but not a moment longer. I immediately get back to running, and then, I see it.

I see multiple people, no, creatures, about to devour the innocent girl, begging on her knees, knowing how they'll tear her up, letting her suffer before scarring her for life, possibly even end her. It shocks me how many inhumane people there are in this world, thinking of others as mere toys, discarding them when bored. The value of a human life is one I refuse to see being abused, so I quickly jump down from the roof, straight unto the cement, before looking straight into the gang's eyes. I see pure hatred, and cruelty.

"Well, well, looks like we got a little hero here," a man who I assume is their leader barks out, with all of his men sniggering at me. The girl only whimpers in fear more, and I only stare back harder in response. "What's wrong? You scared? Gonna cry to mommy?"

"Who the heck would cry to you? You're as scary as a kitty, and a big pile of disappointment. Your parents are probably pretending they never had a child, looking at how you turned out."

He only gets more pissed at me, the big snark on his face quickly turning into a menacing scowl.

"You're gonna wish you hadn't said that."

His gang starts backing up, all their threatening looks turning into looks of pure fear. I hear his gun click, and he directly points it at my face. His hand grips the handgun tightly, and he moves his finger to the trigger. "Time for me to finish you. Any last words, scummy brat?" I give out a chuckle before looking straight at the gun, which was directed straight through my forehead.

"Like I'd die to people like you."

"BANG!"

The gang's faces were a mix of fear and confusion, with a pinch of anger. I stood still, ignoring the past events completely. I crouched down, and picked up the broken bullet, which shattered as soon as it touched my skin. My fingers cascaded to the top of my forehead, where a small mark lay. It would fade in a minute anyway.

"Bullets don't work on me." I couldn't help but smirk. "So, you said you were gonna finish me?" To a human, he would have reacted back instantly. He retracted one of his arms back to grab a knife, and tried to grab my face and stab me. Too bad I'm not exactly human. I foresaw it all, and quickly pulled out my dagger, which was concealed below my hoodie.

"CLANG!"

The two knives clashed, but his knife quickly got sliced in half, the metal flinging off the wall. I slowly resheathed the dagger back in its scabbard, before pulling my hoodie over it. He dropped the broken knife, and started running away. Too bad I wasn't gonna let that happen. I propelled off the ground, catching up to the group in a blink of the eye, before slamming their leader straight in the back. I lost control of my strength for a moment, and he ended up crashing straight into a wall. I didn't have time for this. I gotta deal with these guys quickly. I soon began ricocheting off the narrow walls of the alleyway, pummeling gang member by member. I thought I had finished them off, and got a little cocky, until I realized one had escaped.

"Shoot." I ran out of the alleyway, and saw the guy who chickened out, and put his hand into a deathly grip before slamming him straight on the concrete. I immediately let go, trying not to severely hurt him. I don't hurt or kill. To me, that makes me no different than the inhumans out there. Then it hit me. The girl. I dashed back in the alleyway, to find her, completely backed up in fear.

"It's ok. They're gone now, you're safe."

I brought her out of the alleyway, and she gave me her appreciation for saving her. Nothing I haven't heard before. Might as well go now. "Wait!" she screamed, and I turned around in the blink of an eye. "Who are you?"

I get this question all the time, and I always give the same answer before dashing off. It hurts me to the bone to say this, but I can't sugarcoat it any more than it already is.

"Just a person—a person born with a blessing, and a curse."

**A/N: This is my first fanfic, sorry for any grammatical errors, or if the story came out wrong, or something like that. I'm new to this, but I hope it turns out decent. It works as a one-shot, in a way, but depending how this story goes, I might continue it. I'm for sure going to at least make a second chapter. Who knows. Anyways, if you read it, thanks for reading, I'm getting used to this website, and even though I don't see it as much, I feel pride off this story.**

**Reviews are not needed, but highly appreciated. I want to know if I at least did decent. Thanks, and bye.**


	2. Chapter 2

Ch.1- Not So Sweet Dreams

**[insert clever joke about how Victorious is not mine because I'm too lazy to think of one]**

**A/N: I'm surprised people actually looked at this fanfic. Thanks, readers. I was kinda brain-dead on what to do in this chapter, but if this is at least being read by a few people, I'll keep on writing it. I know how upsetting it is when fanfics end up incompleted.**

—

This was definitely a dream. I've been here, to this place of endless darkness. Many, many, times really. Even still, I can't help but lie in fear. I hear a voice, which I recognize immediately. It still scares me, to the point where I break down as it overwhelms me at times. It lays in the back of my head, haunting all my dreams, injecting my mind with its call. I hear a bottle break in the distance, only alerting me that something is coming, yet I can't move. The darkness soon engulfs the little light I saw in this corrupted dream world, and darkness slowly merged into a shadowy figure, a silhouette I recognized a little too much. I felt it's cold touch, as the shadows slowly began devouring me who-

"BEEP. BEEP. BEEP."

I awoke to the ear-piercing beep, as it gave me an extremely annoying wake-up call. I quickly shut it off and laid back in my bed, before remembering the terrifying nightmare, burnt freshly in my brain. Maybe I'll just stay up for now.

I let out a huge shudder, still recalling the shatter of the glass bottle, the sound ringing in my head. I start walking to the bathroom, turning the shower in at a lukewarm temperature, before slowly discarding all of my pajamas.

As I shower, I can't help but recall the glass bottle. It's a little unsettling, in all honesty. How when you hear a certain something, touch a certain someone, see a certain anything, your body reacts in ways different than normal. I know, it sounds stupid, but keep following me on this one. Some things make you feel good inside, giving out pure joy or pleasure. It, sadly, goes both ways. The remainder of those terrible memories, those you'd rather keep in your head, that you can't help but cry about on certain days- they tear you up inside, just like secrets. It's hard to believe things that can cause such happiness, or things that don't affect you at all can just emotionally destroy you from the inside out. They're like scars on your body. When you slowly touch the scar, it gives you chills through your whole body. It's almost as if the moment of impact, where your skin was cut, grazed to the point of leaving a permanent reminder, is happening again right in front of you. The memory burns brightly in your mind, in such vivid colors. Time slows down, and you just freeze up completely. The thing that hurts is that you can't escape the deja-vu feeling, not until your fingers trace off the skin. As I go out of the shower, quickly drying myself, I catch a glance at a scar on my wrist. I have quite a lot of physical scars, but they, mostly, do nothing. The biggest is the one on the side of my right cheek, which ends close to my eyes, but that one is personal... At times, the emotional scars hurt more. Both physical and emotional scars are connected to memories, which just makes it hurt more. We all have those things, those emotional scars. Like when you touch a scar on your body, something triggers the memory kept inside your head. No matter how small or big, you can't help but feel that deja-vu all over again. You wish you could just forget the whole thing, rather than relive it with every color so clear.

I start putting on my clothes, before applying makeup on my face. I can't help but think, what do you envision when glass breaks? The shatter, slowly breaking into multiple shards, as they scatter everywhere. Something so fragile, yet when broken, goes from smooth to sharp. When you try to pick it up, the jagged corners penetrate the skin, causing a small cut. To me, it's remembering my worst nightmare. I put my makeup away, strolling down to the kitchen. Considering no one greeted me good morning, I figure my mom is still at work, working late. My eyes, trying to forget the memory, still fresh in my mind, start trailing up to the clock before realizing the problem.

Oh, shoot.

I quickly shove some toast in the toaster, quickly remembering I had school. I dozed off way too much there. As soon as the toaster pops, I shove a piece in my mouth, before snatching my backpack, completely ignoring the toast dangling from my mouth. I slam the door and rush into my car.

As I drive to school, I can't help but sing along to the radio. I look outside and let out a huge grin, as I can't help but smile at the beautiful day. There was no cloud in sight, it was warm and once I reached the parking lot, I saw a whole lot of smiling faces. I somehow instantly forget the nightmare, and my insides just fill with joy. The past is the past, and nightmares are normal. Today is a brand new day.

I didn't pay much attention to my first few classes, they were all things I was familiar with. I was mostly fidgeting in my seat, thinking about how hungry I was. I probably should have taken that second piece of toast as well. My mom's not gonna be happy about that. Yikes. I started doodling in my notebook, out of pure boredom. I started doodling a small cat, oh, maybe we could add a little tree, with a pretty flower to the-

"RING, RING, RING."

"That's the bell. We'll continue where we left off tomorrow. Class dismissed." the teacher said, before sitting down again typing a long document on his laptop.

I quickly dashed to lunch, feeling famished. I had to shove through many people, which I had to quickly apologize to while running, before slamming into the doors and reaching the Asphalt Café. God, I need food. I had absolutely no time to make my own lunch, but I managed to get to the Grub Truck first. Oddly, no Festus could be seen through the glass window.

"Festus. Festus!" No response. Being my smart self, I start knocking on the truck. "Festus! Festus!" Still nothing. I'm starting to get a little ticked, so I keep on knocking, getting harder each time. People are starting to line up behind me, the line getting longer and longer. Normally, I'd try to keep my cool, but I'm starving. "Festus! FESTUS." That's it, I can't take it. "FESTUS!"

"BANG!"

"Oy, buddy! Why do you call my- oh my, OY, WHO DID THIS TO MY TRUCK?" I hear Festus, coming out from the bathroom. So that's where he was. But, what does he mean by who did this to his tru- OH. I slowly pull my hand back, only to see that I made a dent in the Grub Truck. Oh, shoot. Everyone is staring at me like I'm a superhuman or a monster. I accept both. I can't let people know my secret so...I got it! Ok Catarina, drive-by acting exercise. Am I talking to myself? Maybe I am crazy. Anyway, you're going to act like you just hurt your hand very badly, and you have no powers seen as unique to the human race whatsoever. Dang, maybe I am crazy.

"Ouch, that really burns, god. Oh god, OUCH!" I started rubbing my hand, which was a light shade of red all over. I never felt anything, but hey, we learn how to act in this school. I see Tori and the gang running over to me, with looks that give off a mix of confusion and worry.

"Cat, what happened to your wrist?" Tori says, with the words "Are you ok?" written all over her face.

"Um, I was looking for Festus, and I started knocking on his truck. I thought he was inside, or like he was outside in the Asphalt Cafe. I got really mad because you see, my brother woke me up really late, so I didn't really eat much, and I never made lunch for me, which caused my stomach to rumble a lot. Anyways, I kinda sorta lost my temper, and...well you know. Ouch, god." Playing this ditzy girl act is pretty funny. I don't think they suspect a thing. I've pretended to be childish for so long, it's basically second nature to me. Heh heh, pretty good, if I say so myself. Before anyone else can respond, Lane suddenly comes out of the door, walking towards the crowd around me.

"What's going on here?" Andre responds back almost immediately.

"You see, Festus was in the bathroom, and Lil' Red was really hungry, so she started calling him while knocking on the Grub Truck. She kinda, how do you say, lost her temper, and somehow banged a small dent into the wall of the truck there." Thank god for Andre. I just hope this doesn't turn into something big. I lost my temper, I'll pay it back, no big deal. I just want to get out of this situation.

"Ok, Cat. We're gonna have to give you a small fine, but it won't be too much since you hurt no one, and the dent isn't too big." I let out a long, built up sigh. I can get out now.

After the accident, I immediately went back home after school, saying I felt tired. This was a lie because the real problem, sadly, was right in front of me. My mother is an Uncommon, like me. If you haven't caught on already, I'm not normal. They're called Uncommons, and they're extremely rare. No more than 250 currently exist in this world, at least, those who have been discovered. I have superhuman strength, as you've seen. Not many are in America, I've only seen one other, who was an ally of my mother. They're so rare, kept secret by the government, that almost everyone doesn't even know they exist. After a long talk about, blah blah, control your powers, this, blah blah, that, I was let off the hook, only because my mother understood the struggle of controlling and containing your powers.

To get the whole Grub Truck incident off my mind, I decided to jog around the city earlier than normal. Nothing happened much, I just jumped around, ceiling to ceiling, out of boredom. What you saw me do back there a few days ago, with the whole gang beat-up, happens rarely. I really don't mind, because just running around the city, letting my powers free, just sucks all the stress right out of me. It's like my temporary distraction from the world, where I can just jump off of buildings without people knowing it's me. People know about me, I've been seen stopping crimes, so the police don't hold me as a threat. It's not a big deal when I jump around buildings. The crowd calls me a hero, but I don't see it like that. I just see myself as a person who just doesn't approve of- well I guess that still describes a hero.

"Thump, clang clang." Huh. I guess I'm doing something today. I jump down to the alley where the sound came from, but I see no gang, no robber, no anything. Well, that's new. Lemme check again. Nothing, nothing, nothing, a man in the corner, nothing-wait. There was a tall, slender, man, wearing a black coat, with long, dark brown hair that covered his left eye. Odd, I could have sworn that corner was empty last time. He starts walking up to me, before abruptly stopping, and starts staring straight into my eyes. I give him an intimidating look, but his look feels stern as if he was shooting a beam going straight through my head. Moments pass, neither person even saying a word. I'm starting to get a little impatient until he turns around, eyes shifting away from me.

"So, you're one too. We'll see how you turn out." His voice sounds deep, yet smooth. He turns around, not looking back as he steps out of the alleyway.

"What do you mean by that?" No response. I walk out to follow him, only to see him disappear out of nowhere. I could have sworn I saw him, or my eyes were merely playing tricks on me.

I wonder what that was all about.

I didn't go around the city, but instead, sat on the ledge of a building, the man's words echoing in my head. Everything about him was off. Who was he? Why did he come to me? What were his intentions?

Maybe he was an Uncommon.

What does he want to do with me?

"Rumble, rumble." New question. Why haven't I had dinner yet? I didn't feel like going to my house, so there was only one thing to do. I pulled out my PearPhone and began to type a message to my mom.

_Hey Mom, I'll be at Jade's house for the night. Love you. _

And, send.

When my mind is filled with all these thoughts, I go to Jade's. She doesn't know my secret, but that doesn't mean I can't go to her house for comfort. Once I reach her house, I climb her tree to get up to her window, like I have ever since we were kids. I glance through the glass panel, to see Jade, looking at a textbook. I knock on her window, and she turns around and stands up, her face forming a small smile. She opens the window, then presses her lips onto me. Honestly, I needed this. From everything that happened today, I just need some time to myself. Well, I'm not by myself. I'm with Jade. As she separates her lips from mine, I can't help but let out a huge grin.

"So, what's the reason for this unexpected visit?" she says after I come in through the window.

"No reason, really. I just have a lot on my mind, and I miss this time with just the two of us." Jade lets out a chuckle, before giving me a small peck on the lips. As I sit down on her bed to have a conversation, my stomach rumbles once more. "Sorry, I'm starving. I haven't eaten."

"I didn't eat either, and my parents are out of town, you want to just order a pizza?" I respond by giving her a kiss on the cheek, and her neutral expression suddenly turns into a small smile.

"Sure."

We ended up watching movies on her couch while we were eating, and her face buries into the crook of my neck, her eyes beginning to daze off, as she slowly cuddles up to me, falling into a calm slumber.

"I love you, Kitty Cat."

I slowly kiss her temple, before pulling her up a little, my arm embracing her body. I let out a smile, knowing no nightmares would not come tonight. As my eyes slowly started shutting as well, I wrapped both of my arms around her, with only sweet dreams flooding my mind. All the weight of today just came off from one sentence. Happy thoughts circle my head, and I feel like I'm in euphoria. My eyes close shut, as I snuggle even closer to her, feeling the warmth of her body.

"I love you too, Jadey."

—

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I was honestly brain dead on what to do, but I got my mind together, and wrote this pile of story with a hint of fluff. I hope you enjoyed it, and if there's anything I could improve on. I'm sorry for any grammatical errors, but hey, I'm only human, and Grammarly can be stupid at times. **

**There was a lack of action in this chapter, but I promise things will develop, like the strange man, and the story of Cat's past. When that will come, I honestly dunno. I'm expecting to make this story like at least 5-10 chapters, so considering I try to update once a week, it'll be coming soon.**

**Thank you for reading, and please tell me if I can improve on anything and review, please.**

**Reviews make me happy. :D**


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 2- Permanent Bloodstains

**A/N: I was too lazy to write this, but hey, people actually decide to read this, so that's all the motivation I need. The fact that people actually read my stories gives me pride and joy, so keep reading. I mean, unless you don't want to, I can't control you.**

**Oh yeah, I almost forgot.**

**Victorious? Not mine.**

Scars are permanent. They stain you, printing themselves onto your skin, staining you forever.

What is the value of one human life? Is it right to kill one to save many? Kill many to save one important one? No matter what, the lives that we're lost go on your record. When people see you, they see nothing but 'murderer'. The blood of your victim stains you, never washing off. The guilt, the pleasure, the sadness of the kill, whatever emotions you felt, reminiscent in your mind, clear as glass. You don't even have to be the direct cause. But knowing you could have done something, to save that one human life in front of your eyes, just tears you up inside. A person died at your hands. Innocent or guilty, it's your fault nevertheless. As their blood seeps into your system, they engrave you.

They've left a scar on your mind, infected it.

You never forget it.

The look on their faces, the deathly stare they give you, burns through your body. Even when their eyes are closed, it's like they look straight at you, and you alone. You can't say excuses as you'd normally say to your parents when you do something bad. "I didn't mean to," or "It'll never happen again." This is different. A human life was at stake, and you just reduced their life efforts to dust. I hate it when it turns out like this. I wish people didn't have to die, but no matter how much you wish, it's gonna happen. I could have prevented this, but I didn't, and now, a life is gone.

I stood at the car crash, the limp bodies getting dragged away by the paramedics. I had no cause for it, but it tears me up. I ran to the site of the crash, trying to help the unconscious person. The gas must have leaked, because the car exploded, killing both people in it. I could have run faster. I could have seen the crash. People didn't have to die. I never even knew these people. I had barely any impact on this.

That doesn't make it hurt less.

My job is to help, yet two lives just passed in front of my eyes. It's rare, but it's happened before. It only hurts more every time. The sad thing is, you can't run to anyone, because they're not like you, and they'll probably never understand the value of a human life, knowing you could have done something. That goes on your mental records, only adding to the list of people you failed to save, giving up their lives for naught. It's part of the job. No matter how much it hurts, I keep doing it. The last thing I want is for more people to die because I didn't even try to save them. Deaths in this job are normal. Even still, I can't help but breakdown over it. No one else understands. Well, except for one person.

My mother.

I burst into the house late at night, while my mother was watching TV on her night off, with tears streaming down my face. I tried to stop, but I couldn't help but break down. This happens every time someone dies while I'm on watch. I don't get how doctors and police can even stand to see people die in front of them. This happened in the past before, so my mother already knew what I was crying about.

"Another death on the watch honey?" I bury my face in her chest, tears dampening her nightgown. "Honey, I know it's hard, but this will happen every now and then and you know it. It's hard, and I know because I've gone through it, but you'll get over it soon."

"B-but mom, I could have saved t-them." I couldn't stop my voice from shaking, my lower lip trembling as tears dried onto my skin, only for my skin to be dampened again with the waterfalls pouring out my eyes.

"I know honey, I know. But, you just have to accept that, no matter how strong you get, or how long you watch, people are going to die now and then. The hardest thing about this life is that you can't save everybody." My mother embraced me tighter, repeating "It's gonna be ok" in my ear. I cried on her, knowing that I had scarred my mind with the blood of those innocent people. They didn't deserve it. Yet they died anyway.

I didn't go to my room until midnight. The sounds of the sirens, the stares of those victims, were trapped in my brain, while my brain went in a fury, thoughts swirling all around. I didn't have any nightmares, because I barely slept at all. Honestly, I'd much rather see the horrific dreams in my head. Why? Because I was living one. This time rather, the darkness didn't engulf me. My pain was in watching it engulf someone else, and I merely stood there, doing nothing. I wanted to move, but I didn't. By the time I moved, they were already gone. I repeated the thought in my head, replying each time with "I'm not a murderer." Yet I know it's a lie. But I would rather never go down that memory lane again. If this tore me up inside, then I don't want to know how much it'd hurt to relive all those deaths.

Who am I kidding? I'm a murderer, no matter how much I refuse.

I closed my eyes, only for them to spring back open. From there, I knew I wouldn't sleep for a second. I was right. I woke up in the morning with less than an hour of sleep, with a terrible distaste in my mouth. I let out a noise that seemed to be a fusion of a yawn, a sigh, and a groan. No matter how grumpy I was, I still remembered the previous day so vividly. I hate it. My hate for it was higher than the amount of grumpiness in me, and considering all this stress and sleep deprivation, that's saying a lot.

After my pathetic excuse for a shower and breakfast, which was just a piece of toast I accidentally burned, I felt even worse. Hey, at least being grumpy is distracting me from the incident. My mom left me a nice note with a freshly prepared lunch, which I gave out the smallest of smiles from. At least I'd feel better at lunchtime. I trudged my way to the car, completely forgetting to put makeup over the scar on my cheek.

"Shoot." I take out an old makeup brush I keep in my car in case of events like this and flimsily put on makeup around my scar. "That'll have to do for now." It wasn't completely covered, but it's fine, considering people wouldn't notice anyway.

I come to school much earlier than I normally do, and I was restless the whole way. I couldn't sleep, but I couldn't stop moving. I'm pretty sure this is from sleep deprivation, but if it's not, then I'm going mentally insane. I can't help but droop my head, but I suddenly wake up out of nowhere. It is taking all the energy I have to not collapse out of my chair in the middle of class. My eyes are baggy, and my voice sounds like that rumbling sound from a garbage disposal. At my locker, I see Jade coming in for a kiss, but as I try to press my lips against hers, my head instantly falls as I stumble, head landing on her shoulders.

"Ok, I didn't get my good morning kiss, which means one thing." God, now I dragged Jade into my problems. I would be more concerned if I wasn't falling asleep on her shoulder. "Something's up."

"Urgh uhh- What? No, no, no, nothing is up, I'm just a little sleepy that's- yeah" My sentence is interrupted by a huge yawn while I'm in the middle of speaking, so everything I try to say sounds distorted. Great, now I can't even speak properly. "I'm fine, I've just been a little stressed lately. I didn't get much sleep. Nothing up whatsoever." Jade gives me a concerned look, and I don't blame her. I have huge bags under my eyes, I sound like I swallowed a cheese grater whole, there's a truckload of stress and anxiety on my back, and to top it all off, I don't even have the energy to give her a kiss.

"Ok Kitty, just try to get some sleep later, ok?" She plants a chaste kiss on my cheek, and I can't help but feel all mushy inside. "Love you."

"Love you too, Jadey!" I feel warm inside, and a smile pops on my face. I swear to God, Jade is a gift from heaven. Even though she's not, and I know she's not after she screamed her guts out at some freshman who accidentally knocked down one of the scissors on her locker. When she's with me though, it feels like every part of my body is racing. I think joyful thoughts of me and Jade until another yawn exits my mouth, and I realize.

The bell rang without me even noticing. I desperately try to drag my shell of a body to my first period, barely making it on time. The teacher gives a stern glare at me, and I slowly walk over to my seat in the back, feeling like a scolded puppy. I'm not even sure if I fell asleep or not in that class, but I think I did, considering I don't remember anything after sitting down. It's a good thing I sit in the back of the class. I think the teacher forgot I existed. The next class though, I sat in the middle, and I knew I was screwed. I ended up laying my head down for a minute or two, only for it to pop back up as soon as she turned her back from the board. This was more tiring than just actually listening to the class. I can't say any different happened in my other classes, and to add on, I was starving. It was a good thing I brought my own lunch because I'd rather not relive the whole Grub Truck incident from last week. I go to the table our group always sits at, my body legitimately shaking from sleep deprivation. I pull out the fresh lunch wrap my mother packed me, and as I let out a smile, I feel my head falling towards the table, and everything seems blurry. I'm slowly losing conscious-

"Cat!"

"She won't wake up."

"Should we just leave her, or.."

"Just leave her. She could use some sleep."

Odd. Everything's dark. Everything I hear seems muffled, but it's weirdly peaceful in this place of darkness. Like everything on my back just left me. I could get used to this-

"THUD."

My body smacks the cold cement floor. I didn't hurt, but that impact made me extremely uncomfortable. I open my eyes wide and squint at the direct sunlight beaming towards me. I see blurry figures of people standing over me, but I can't tell who since my eyes are still adjusting to all this light. One stretches their hand out to me, and I grab it tightly, despite not knowing who the figure was. As they help get me upright again, my vision becomes clearer, and I make out the person's face detail by detail. Now, I'm squinting so much it's hurting my eyes. I see the outline of the face, the long, brown hair. Wow. Whoever this has amazing cheekbones.

"You ok, Cat?" I know that voice. It's the unforgettable voice of my friend, Tori. I rub my eyes, and see her face clearly, but only for a second before she wraps me into a tight hug.

"Yeah, just fell asleep. I haven't had much sleep lately. Why was I on the floor?"

"I told you she'd wake up Vega." I suddenly see Jade, sitting on the seat I was sleeping on.

"Jade, did you push me off?" I let out a small pout, which Jade saw. She then pressed her lips to my forehead, which replaced my pout with a smile.

"Yeah, but I had my reasons."

I retaliate back. "Which were?" She lets out a smirk in response.

"One, lunch is almost over. Two, you haven't eaten a bite. Three, you weren't waking up no matter how much I shook you."

"Touche." Dang, she got me. I start stuffing my wrap in my mouth, just realizing that she was right. I hadn't eaten anything since that depressing burnt toast. By the time I'm halfway through, the bell rings. I wipe my mouth and give her a quick peck on the lips, before continuing to devour my wrap.

The gang and I headed over to Sikowitz's class, where we saw Sikowitz standing on a chair, drinking his coconut. I sat down, eating the remains of my lunch, before tossing my trash in the bin in the corner. A few minutes later, the whole class is here, and Sikowitz jubilantly steps down from his chair, before walking up on the small stage.

"Hello class! Time to learn about, dun dun dun, acting!" As he continues speaking, we all notice his oddly above-average pep. Andre turns to us, with a mix of confusion and bewilderment on his face.

"Wonder why Sikowitz's so excited."

"Yeah, I know. It sickens me."

"Jade, be nice." I put a hand on her thigh and a fake little pout. A small blush creeps on her face, and her mouth opens to say a comeback, but it shuts without saying a word. Sikowitz fake coughs to get our attention and all our heads pivot towards him.

"Anyways, I have recently gotten into, dun dun dun, murder mystery novels, and movies! So, for this acting exercise, you are going to portray a murder scene, from this nice book I just read." Oh great, I finally got over the stress of last night, and I just have to see it reenacted? Sikowitz, you're killing me. My hands start shaking, so I sit on them, and try to hide my anxious expression which people could probably see a mile away.

"So, on the stage, Jade, Beck, Tori, and.." Sikowitz starts patting his hands on his legs frantically, and I hope that he doesn't choose me. Of course, you know what happens next, movie cliche coming into reality. "Cat." Great. Absolutely great. Sweat starts trickling down my forehead, as I slowly, but surely inch up to the stage. As long as I'm not the murderer, I can keep my feelings under con- "Cat, you'll be the murderer." Oh great, yes, kill me now. I take a glance at Jade, who seems ticked as heck that she wasn't the murderer.

"Sikowitz, why can't I be the murderer? I wouldn't mind pretending to kill people," Jade gives a death glare, with a smirk glued on her face. "Especially Vega." Tori then started backing away from Jade, looking terrified.

"Jade, don't be such a gank." The whole class starts chuckling, which Jade responds by giving everyone the death glare, and everyone shuts up. She abruptly turns to Sikowitz, and out of fear, he turns around and starts drinking his coconut.

"Come on Jade, just deal with it," Beck says. No. NO. Make Jade the murderer, please. It's not helpful when in a way, I kinda already am a real-life murderer. I start hyperventilating, but no one realizes because Jade's arguing with Beck. Even when they're not together, they still argue like the old times.

"Jade, if you don't like it, you may sit down and I'll replace you with Robbie." Her mouth instantly shuts. "Anyways, the scene will have Tori, Beck, and Jade running from the murderer after finding out the identity of the killer, who kills them one by one. " No, please, just make Jade the murderer. She's a better murderer than me. I really wish that Sikowitz could get my signs that I don't want to be the murderer, but he rambles on. "You will improvise your lines. Any questions?" I try to raise my hand to protest, but he cuts me off. "Too bad! ACTION!"

"Guys, I'm scared." I hear Tori say.

"Don't worry, me and Jade are here for you. We'll protect each other." Beck then looks around, panting, while Jade stands behind him warily.

"Tori. Beck. T-there's someone behind you guys." Jade fakes a look of fear, which just makes me more stressed. Tori and Beck slowly turn around, looking at me directly in my eyes portraying fear.

"AAHHHH!" It scares me out of nowhere, and I can't help myself from hyperventilating. My body starts shaking as I desperately try to force out words of some sort, my body shaking.

My vision starts blurring, and I can't help but tremble in place. My eyes start closing, until I can't see anything. I can't even feel the ground beneath my feet. Voices are all around me, as I spiral into the place of darkness I saw before, as I fall down it once again.

_The young, red-haired girl turned around, before accidently dropping her water, shattering the glass almost instantly as it touched the floor. She tried to pick up the shards before he walked in, but out of nowhere, his roaring voice echoed through the house. _

"_CATERINA VALENTINE!" She shook at the sound of his voice, as she heard his thundering footsteps coming down the stairs. He held the empty beer bottle by his side, with an angry, drunken, look on his face. "What did you do now, idiot? WHAT THE-WHY DID YOU MAKE A STUPID MESS IN THE KITCHEN?"_

"_It was an accident, I-i'm sorry. I clean it up, I promise."_

"_CRACK!" The cold bottle slowly collided with the side of the young child's face, before her cheek was covered in dark red. She looked up at her father, with tears welling up in her eyes, as she quickly wiped them away, knowing it would only lead to her getting beat. She stood up, though she was immediately kicked back on the floor, some of the glass shards cutting her skin. _

"_What are you looking at, runt? HUH?" Her eyes directed directly at the floor, and they both stood in silence before her father turned away, a growl on his face. "Clean up the mess you made. The girl merely stayed on the floor, until she heard her father slam the bedroom door. She stood up, and pulled out some of the glass shards on her skin, with tears running down her face, She put her hand on the side of her face, staining it red, the salt of her tears only stinging her face even more. As she picked up the glass shards, the 8-year old cried more and more. Her mother then entered the room, seeing her daughter, before running to her side._

"_M-mommy. Daddy did it again."_

"_It's okay Kitty. I'm here. Here's what we'll do. I'll clean up your wounds, and then, I'll talk to Daddy."_

"_But, Mommy, what if Daddy hurts you again?"_

"_Don't worry. I'll talk to him after he calms down."_

"_I love you Mommy."_

"_I love you too, Kitty."_

I wake up in my bed, with no recollection of the past hours. I hate reliving that memory, it still lingers in my head, haunting me. My hand drifts up to my scar, tingling at the touch of my cold hands. I take a glance at the time, the clock showing the bright red numbers. 9:27. I've been out for the past 8 hours. I sit upright on my bed, with a paper note left on my side table.

_To Cat-_

_If you're reading this, you must have woken up. That's good. You fainted in class, and you've been out cold for the rest of the school day. The school nurse said it was either from a panic attack, or severe sleep deprivation. I took you home, and told your mom what happened. Make sure to get some sleep, and I hope you feel better. I love you._

_-Love, Jade_

I let out a long, held-in sigh. My mom isn't gonna be happy about this, but I'll deal with it later. I quickly type 'thank you' to Jade, before standing up to get a quick meal, when I see an odd silhouette outside my window. I couldn't make out the details of the face, but they were tall, and it was most likely a male. I should probably check it out, to make sure, oh I dunno, there's no creepy stalker out for me. I stuff up my hair in a messy high ponytail, before smudging the last of my faded makeup out from my scar. I then quickly toss my hodie over my head, snatch my knife off the table, and jump out my window, landing straight on the ground. The guy turns around, before running away to the city. I instantly recognize him, as the guy I met in the alleyway. I start running towards him, catching up quickly. He tosses a small ball, the size of a marble at my face, and all of my surroundings are suddenly covered by a thin layer of smoke.

"Cough, cough." I fan away the smoke, seeing the guy out of sight. I was about to turn around, before barely seeing his black coat as he swiftly turns left towards an alleyway. The same alleyway we met. I dash over, running so fast I almost trip, before seeing a sliver of silver coming towards me, and I pull out my knife, barely deflecting the knife away from my face.

The man looks at me, a cruel smile on his face. His hair covers his eye, like last time,and he's wearing what he wore last time I saw him, but he seems different. I can sense a deep feeling of hatred and anger, but that's not what throws me off. Before, he looked calm and serious. Now, he seems insane, with a great urge. An urge to kill.

"Nice to know you've come. I've watched you enough, and I've made my decision." Now I'm confused. I don't even know who the heck this guy is, and yet he acts like he's above me.

"Who the heck are you?"

"Doesn't matter. You're a so-called hero, and you deserve to die." he says.

"I don't classify myself as a hero, and why should I die? Not like I did anything to you?"

"The whole concept of justice is corrupted. Why should we kill and arrest those who do bad things? What if they had a reason? Heroes senselessly try to achieve justice, yet they fail. A good person kills a bad person, so what makes them better than the bad person themselves? You may have done nothing to me, but don't think you're all innocent."

I'm starting to get a little ticked at this guy. "Like what?"

"This is what annoys me. You heroes are so oblivious to your own crimes. I know your past. You're a killer." No. He couldn't possibly know of my past. I lost control, and the flames engulfed me, and I hate myself for it.

"Shut up."

"Come on. You've killed people, and you know it."

"Shut up!"

"Don't ignore your sin."

"SHUT UP!"

"What's wrong? What, you didn't mean to kill him? That's no excuse."

"YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY UNFORGIVABLE SIN!"

This feeling. I've felt it before. I know what happened. I can't help it. I lost control once more. My feet moved almost immediately, as I extended my hand, gripping my knife tightly. I penetrated his chest with the sharper blade, with no struggle, as I pierced his body so easily, pushing the knife as deep as I could. The flames soon withered away, and realizing what I had done, I instantly pulled the knife away from his chest, as his limp body fell to the ground.

This feeling oddly made me want to puke, like it burned me from the inside.

I commited another unforgivable sin.

I truly was a murderer.

**A/N: This chapter took me a while to write, and I'm extremely sorry for the wait. I've been caught up with schoolwork. I try to post once a week, but I had writer's block for this chapter. Luckily, I'm on break, so I should be able to post another chapter this week. Then again, I can't make any promises. I'm only human. I'm also extremely lazy.**

**We're finally getting farther into the story, which means...more foreshadowing!**

**Anyways, thanks for reading, sorry if i had any grammatical errors, like I said, Grammarly can really suck at times. **

**Reviews give me joy. :D**


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 3- Untouched Secrets

**A/N: I haven't updated in a while, and I'm sorry. My creativity has dropped dead, I've run out of inspiration, and with this whole quarantine online class thing, I'm honestly just a lazy blob. Then again, I know how frustrating incomplete fanfic is, so I put in the little inspiration I had and wrote this chapter. I'll try to update more often, but I can't make any promises. Thank you to the people who actually read this mess.**

**By now you should know Victorious is not mine.**

—

I had been staring into the body in front of me, for who knows how long. I don't know what was more terrifying, the gaping stab wound through him, or the blankness of his pearly eyes. My grip on my knife only grew tighter, to the point where my knuckles were turning white. Vivid sounds filled in my head, even as he was silent the moment his chest was pierced. A silent kill. Yet so loud in my mind. The sound of the knife, its metallic glimmer, slowly piercing through the skin. The sound of the blood slowly dropping on the floor. The sound of his final breaths, as they became smaller, to the point of silence. My mouth merely stayed open, my body shaking, as I saw him. Dead. A lifeless corpse, whose life I took. I broke the one promise I made to myself. I repeated my unforgivable sin.

It burned me more than the flames in me ever could. Secrets were hurtful things, but this truly hurt.

Guilt.

Guilt is a terrible thing, used to hurt people. Whether from another person or even yourself, it hurts either way. It manipulates people, leaving them in utter silence. Sometimes it goes away. In this scenario, it was relentless, Beating you up, to the point where you're paralyzed. The only thing your mind is focused on is that guilt, just watching it as it tears you up inside.

I try to move my leg back, but my body won't follow, my leg going numb the moment I move, I fall to the floor with a loud thump, putting me in direct eye contact with the man. I saw things in a new angle, the paleness of his skin, to the blood slowly spreading on the concrete. My breathing becomes more ragged, to the point where I'm absolutely breathless. The tears start flowing, as I slowly break down. This didn't just touch my scar.

This reopened it. All the memories were blending together, from my past to the present. If I wasn't going mentally insane before, I definitely was now. Visions and memories flooded my head, and I couldn't take it. I banged my hands on the floor, trying to leave this hellish nightmare, feeling more hurt than the man I just killed.

"_Stop it, Daddy!"_

"_Don't ignore your sin."_

"_I d-didn't mean to kill him, I'm sorry!"_

"_YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY UNFORGIVABLE SIN!"_

I couldn't take it.

I poured out every last emotion in me, draining myself, even though there was no one to listen. I was alone, bearing more than I could handle. Everything hurt, and I felt like throwing up. I was in a trance, and grief flooded my mind. I didn't even know this guy, but looking at it from a different angle, that only made me feel worse. I heard a faint ringing as I sobbed on the cold ground.

Wait, ringing? That's not right.

I instantly snapped out of my trance, my eyes were swollen red, and my cheeks sore from pinching them. This wasn't a dream. The ringing wasn't ringing in the distance. They were police sirens.

Crap.

I grabbed the body by the collar, as I desperately tried to shove whatever wanted to come out of my throat back down. I couldn't stop gagging by the look on his cold, lifeless, face, but I had to run. His blood, which once dried and puddled, ran red once more across my hand. I couldn't bear to look at it, but they would definitely think a trail of blood was suspicious. I ran farther in the alley, knowing exactly where I was going. Doing this for almost three years now, I memorized the layout of all the alleys and pathways in the city. There should be an old, abandoned building coming upfront. I took a sharp turn, almost losing my grip on his dead body, taking the decomposed, rundown building into total view. It was right across from me, so I'd somehow have to get across without people seeing the casket in my hands. Easier said than done.

I side jumped on the walls of the alley, allowing me to reach the top of the nearby building. I looked across at the broken building in front of me. I don't usually jump this far since it's easier for me to get seen, but it's midnight, and honestly, I don't have a choice. I took a deep breath, and held it, as I ran towards the edge. My feet hit the edge of the building, as I propelled forward, body in hand, and jumped. The feel of air pushing against my face, the feeling of no gravity, it was all there.

But this was different. This time, it held me back, put pressure on me, similar to the endless weight of guilt in my back. I hated every second of it. It felt like time slowed down, just to make me suffer every moment I was airborne.

I landed harshly, with my feet hitting the concrete so hard, almost as if I tried to purposely destroy it. A part of me wishes I did, because I'm overwhelmed. By now, the guy's shirt is almost torn with how hard I've pulled on it. I dash into the abandoned house, through the back door, before running down the stairs to the basement. I quickly throw the limp body to the corner, and I feel like throwing up, but hold it in, only causing me to tear up more. I slam my back against the wall, before slowly sliding down, pulling my knees in closer, muffling my cries.

The last thing I saw was black, before I slowly lost consciousness.

…

This place…

It's all so familiar. So peaceful. This place of darkness. Except something was off. There was an odd tension in the air. I felt a pit in my stomach, like the feeling where you instantly know something bad would happen. I turn around in guilt, before coming to my senses.

The man.

I turn around to see his pale, dead face, and I scream, louder than I've ever screamed before, piercing the once silent air.

My eyes open instantly, as my breath shakes, my face still buried in my knees. I look up, in total fear of what I'm about to see.

It was much worse.

All the bloodstains were there, the trail of blood from the stairs, to the ripped fabric on the ground. That wasn't what scared me, though. I felt even more terrified, as I stared at the corner of the room for a long time, not even trying to make a move. My body, frozen still, could only stare at the ground.

The man was gone.

—

**A/N: I am so sorry this took me so long, and that this chapter is so short.**

**I'm human, I have a crap ton of online classes, and my creativity for this story has run low. But, I made a commitment, and I will finish this story. I'll try to make the next chapter a little longer, but no promises.**

**Looking at my past chapters again, this story was less angsty than I remembered. I do plan to add more angst, because why not?**

**I blame my dead brain and Grammarly for any grammar mistakes. Mostly my dead brain.**

**Reviews give me motivation.**


End file.
